I’ve learned my lessons the hard way and thought I’d share some of hard-won knowledge with everyone. I’ve met some really awesome people and enjoyed it immensely.

So, how did people find my blog the most last year? You might think I’d show up more in soccer-related searches, specifically soccer mom ones. Nope … by far most people found me by searching “Tiffany box” — which was my Christmas present in 2010 from DH. He knows I love that Tiffany blue!! What girl wouldn’t?

I just wanted to share that tidbit with you before I share this one: I’m closing shop. I just can’t keep up with this and the launch of the photography business, as well as my full-time gig at the newspaper/magazines–on top of being a mom, wife, daughter, sister and friend. Things are just suffering (as evidenced by my being sick for the first time in two years, I’d say).

Thanks for all the lessons you’ve taught me over the past year and a half. Last year was a rough one for me, and one where I underwent quite a transformation. I realize now that I’m content. I’m happy. I’m comfortable. I’m secure. And I don’t have much else to say–though without fail I will continue to grow.

I haven’t been sick in more than a year. I’ve had fibromyalgia flare ups & was slammed by vertigo last spring, but felled by a cold? Not in a long while.

And it SUCKS! It’s worse tonight than it’s been. I am afraid I’m getting the flu or something. That reminds me of the last time I was this sick.

It was January 2008. I got the flu—temperature was 103. Then The Ex got it. Then both kids. It was a den of sickness for 2 weeks. I didn’t feel myself for another week after that. The Ex threw that in my face 2 weeks later when on Feb. 17th he told me he wanted out.

I try to remember DH is NOT The Ex. But then something like 2 weeks of illness happens & I fret, feeling guilty. It’s not like I got sick over Christmas on purpose.

And the kids…I’m feeling crappy because I’m sick over the holidays. Guilt. Guilt. Guilt.

The Boy is still needy. I’ve tried to get him to let me hit the sheets while DH gets him ready for bed. He says he can only sleep well if I do it. Ugh. I knew I’d have to suck it up when single momming it. But with the remarriage I had hoped some of that would pass. I love my kids. I love being a mom. But I’m sick and could use the sleep. He’ll only be 11 once. Soon I’ll blink & he’ll no longer need nor want me. I guess it’s now or never, including sucking it up until he goes to bed.

Then off to the sickbed.

1. Get moving (again)! It’s time to get off the couch, again. Yes this was the first on my list last year but that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be on the list again this year.
2. Kick debt. This was on my list last year. Unfortunately I did not do this and I made it worse. I will not do that again, and will move toward paying it off.
3. Build my photography business. I’m going to continue to build my photography business until it’s something that’s really thriving–allowing for additional income to help with the debt as well as feeding my soul by allowing me to be creative.
4. Continue to learn. I will attend photography workshops this year, and perhaps even sign up for the Web Design II class in the summer or fall sessions. Finishing with an “A” shows me that I can do it!
5. Take it easy. We’re not having a big vacation next year. Instead I’m going to take a day here, a day there throughout the second half of  the year. I’m going to take a week off during the kids’ spring break so we can do some day trips, and have my mom come up again. That was a lovely week.
6. Continue to listen. I will continue to listen to my body, my heart, family, friends and the universe.
7. Be present. I will stop worrying over things I cannot change and just be in the moment rather than worrying about something that might happen.

Happy 2012 everyone!

Christmas Moose: This is a filler from a party at a Moose Lodge earlier this month.

My kids and my dad: He has MS and Parkinson's (and won't move to assisted living!!!) ... don't know how many more Christmases he'll be around so never want to miss a chance for the kids to see him!

Survived Christmas: I've never eaten a Christmas goose but he looks pleased that he survived another holiday season!

The lights are on ... but nobody's home

To You Merry Christmas

And I also went on a photo shoot this week for a wonderfully fun family — of 13!! Wow. This is one of the photos I’ve worked on so far — kind of a preview. It’s the grandfather with his grandchildren. I really like this one!

Happy 2012 to all of you!!

January

On my To Do List for 2011 was to find my passion … and I started my 365 Project on Jan. 1. The way my photography has grown throughout this year is just amazing. Here is the first photo of my project … it’s embarrassing. I didn’t know photography would be my passion when I started the year, but it certainly has become it.

February

Met up with some wonderful locals for a beautiful walk. I wish The Girl had been there, too, and DH, but there is always next time!

The boys become friends on our beautiful walk.

March

This wasn’t a very exciting month for me. I worked–hard and a lot–and wound up with vertigo by the end of the month. It sucked. After tons of practice, though, I did capture the Super Moon on March 19th

April

I took the week of the kids’ Spring Break off — it was so peaceful and relaxing and my vertigo subsided immensely! We did a few day trips with my mom throughout Central Virginia, including a trip to Montpelier.

May

I trespassed. I went to a lot of soccer games, as both children were playing travel soccer. The Boy had a tournament in Hanover and I visited some really old buildings between games. Fun! But I also visited an old mill a little closer to home–while waiting for a soccer game to begin of course. It was wonderful to explore it.

June

We laid my grandmother to rest in Syracuse, N.Y., this month. While there we visited Boldt Castle. DH hurt his back and could barely stand so he couldn’t come with us. That saddens me but I understand.

July

We were told at the end of June that we would have to take 15 furlough days by the end of the year. These are mandatory days without pay. I decided to paint several rooms in my house, as well as spend some days off just spending time with the kids.

August

Our family vacation was to Wilmington, N.C. It was a really awesome time!

September

I started to take some photography assignments, including before-Homecoming photos. Super fun! This is the month I really started to get the bug to start doing photography as a second job.

October

Donald Trump opened his winery in Charlottesville and I got to attend the press conference and reception afterward!

November

Another soccer tournament. The Boy and The Girl and I spent a weekend in Richmond. DH stayed home with the dogs.

December

Spent a ton of time taking portraits, including Help Portrait with Charlottesville Photography Initiative (scroll down to “giving pictures”).

Merry Christmas! May it be joyous and wonderful and usher in an amazing 2012 for you and yours!

I participated in a photo contest type of event on Saturday and the theme was "view." I had exactly 2 hours before we needed to go visit family so here's a "view" of the tree through glasses!

 The birds were certainly out in force (or maybe I could just see them better with the leaves off the trees. I even spotted a bald eagle flying over the river near work. The photo did not turn out well, but I’m getting closer to photographing that majestic bird in the wild!

Mockingbird

Pileated Woodpecker

Downy Woodpecker

Hairy Woodpecker

Male Cardinal

My children were models for me again … and this time I even roped in a friend!

I remember my mother felt it was inappropriate because of the cost and that I needed to give it back. I knew that would crush JH. I had tried not to accept it and he wouldn’t hear of it. My dad, though, thought it was fine for me to keep it because it was a gift. In fact, I still have it. After all these years (we’re talking 24 years here) I still have it. It was very fragile and broke at some point, but I couldn’t part with it. It still sits in the same blue jewelry box that it came in, along with the small wallet picture I have of him from that year. It’s a sweet memory and I couldn’t part with it.

I’ve gotten many more expensive gifts from boyfriends and husbands throughout the past 24 years–and not all of it do I still have. In fact I wrote a blog postabout selling $500 worth of jewelry from my first marriage last year. I don’t even have my diamond from the first marriage–sold that for the first Christmas with the kids in 2008 so I’d have some money to give them a good holiday. But I do still have this broken gold chain.

AWWWWW (puke)

I am thinking of this because on Sunday The Girl’s boyfriend stopped by to give her her Christmas gifts. They’ve been together for a year now and I am just stunned by that alone. Her dad has asked whether we should be discouraging this relationship. I haven’t because I fear it will make her go toward it faster than I wish her to. They talk on the phone. She has attended a few of his basketball games. I let her hang with him and his grandparents at the Parade of Lights in our town earlier this month. But, they don’t “date.” They have gone to a movie (maybe two) with adults. Seriously that’s it, so I’m not worried about moving too fast physically—-yet. But that fear is there.

Her gift was a gold necklace with a gold heart surrounded by diamonds. Are they real? I don’t know…it doesn’t matter. The fact is he bought her this extravagant gift for the relationship of 13/14 year olds. There’s little I can do about that, though.

See, I trust The Girl. It might be misplaced trust, but I do trust her. She won’t always make the right choices, but that’s part of growing up. She does well in school, is fun and friendly, participates in sports, goes to bed on time, knows our expectations for her to go to college–and she chose to apply to Governor’s School knowing it’ll be additional work–and it was totally her choice. I have to trust that if she stumbles she’ll come to me, her dad, DH or New Wife.

I wanted to puke when I saw the necklace — is that a good mom reaction? I didn’t. I took a picture for her to post to Facebook–of course. And then when she walked out I texted The Ex. He should suffer with me.

Here are some of the pictures of the decorations I DID put up

My son putting up his tree

My son's tree is full of these disco-ball style ornaments which reflect light wonderfully!

My daughter puts up her soccer-themed Christmas tree in her room

My Virginia Tech themed tree!

My old Holly Hobby ornaments

Our home

A crystal castle ornament DH bought me at Disney two years ago.

DH's favorite old ornament

Some of the oldest photos on my Christmas tree

A beaded shark that I bought at the beach near Wilmington, N.C., over the summer

On our family tree

The bottom half of my family tree (ha)

I know right now I have some shit to let go of, don’t we all? How often do we jeopardize our own happiness and healthy by hanging on to something we have no control over. I wonder if I stop trying to control so much, and just let go, what wonderful things could happen?

What will I let go of?

How about self-judgement? So, I didn’t run today…that’s OK I’ll pick it up again tomorrow. Missing one day doesn’t mean I need to internalize and just stop. I do this often.

Freaking out of mistakes at work. I’m not exactly a one-woman show here, but I do manage a whole lot of publications, as well as taking on additional things that don’t really fall into my job description–like building ads or managing the special awards we give to 4 local women. Sometimes I’m building ads because we’re just swamped. Other times it’s because I need something to go to press and they’re just not done yet. When I make a glaring error it hurts me. I have to accept that I’m not perfect and it’s OK.

Caring about those who don’t care about themselves. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. Over the past few years I’ve become rather immune to those who complain about the same things over and over again but do nothing to change the situation. Often, though, I feel guilty about feeling that way. No longer.

Those a few of things I’m letting go of. How about you? Anything you need to let go of before 2012 rolls in?

But, being couch-bound means I started to experiment with photographing little things in my home. Had fun doing it too!

This Santa and Mrs. Claus figurines used to hang on the tree and when they face each other their lips are puckered so they're kissing. I remember these fondly from when I was a child.

This little nativity used to hang on the Christmas tree as well when I was a child. It's plastic and glitter-coated. I wish it had a date on it. It's AT LEAST 37 years old anyway

Tried to create bokeh with a candle. It's a different look anyway!

Looks Fake to Me: The colors in this photo remind me of a painted Christmas card or something. I really like it!

Poinsettia: I created the look of this photo on accident ... love that!

I did get out for at least one sweet shot!

Peek-A-Boo: Love this little buck. I swear he was going to walk up to me but I purposely walked away. I don't want them to get too used to humans!

Belted Kingfisher: I know it's not a great photo ... it was kind of sprinkling and he was quick-moving but it's still so neat to see a different bird now and again!